I was reading an old Playboy interview with Janeane Garofalo tonight and this quote made so much sense to me--I feel just the same. She is so funny and honest.
"I have self-loathing in that I am frequently disappointed in myself. I don’t work hard enough, don’t write enough, don’t donate enough to charity, don’t read enough. But I don’t have low self-esteem. I am a confident person. I don’t make bad choices in destructive relationships. I don’t abuse myself in a major way. I just grind my teeth. I have a bite plate, but unfortunately I can’t wear it. It covers the roof of my mouth and I can’t sleep in it. So I’ve wasted a lot of money on it, which causes more self-loathing, which makes me grind my teeth more. I just want to be a better person. I want to be funnier, I want to be smarter, I want to be healthier, I want to be nicer. But self-loathing drives me. I guess it’s a good thing. Better than being arrogant or being content to be a dick."